Friday 16 August 2013

Untitled FTL Fanfic - Chapter 2 - First fight (WIP)

This chapter went through a major modification today. I realized it was getting too big and taking too long to write & so decided to split it into 3 chapters. Which now means that I have chapter 3 done as well & just need to add some details :)
Also, while adding a bit detail to chapter 2, I ended up adding a huge part that I completely skipped over in the un-split version so that's pretty nice :)

And in case you forgot, this is the first time I'm putting one of my stories online. So please give me feedback, point out flaws in my writing so I can fix them & tell me how I can improve the story in pacing, technique, dialogue, characterization & whatnot. Also give me ideas on the name.

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Chapter 2   First fight

“They got a Pegasus missile”, Rafiq yelled into the intercom while reattaching the wires that came loose from a previous laser volley.
Sofia leaned over and looked at the image on the vidscreen of the small red-coloured claw-shaped mantis scouting ship The Space-Kite was chasing. “Are you sure? Looks kinda like an Artemis launcher to me.”
Before Rafiq could respond said missile launcher on the mantis scout fired off 2 missile warheads, one after another, straight towards them.
Lagardy yelled “Pomeroy, port side thrusters” and veered to the right.
One of the missiles missed its mark but the next hit home on the engines. Immediately the mantis scout fired off another volley of dual lasers and heavy laser. With the engine weakened, all 3 hit their mark. The dual laser disrupted The Space-Kite’s level 2 ionic shielding momentarily and the heavy laser got through and hit squarely on the engines.
From her squatting posture, Sofia lost her balance in the ensuing shockwave and tumbled over. The vibration also caused Rafiq’s laser pistol to fly out of his holster and to a corner of the room.
“Poms? Are you okay?” Sofia shouted in her intercom while quickly standing up.
“Affirmative. Engine status, critical and on fire. Assistance appreciated”, came the reply from Pomeroy in its normal voice which lacked any hint of alarm. Engis, being techno-organic lifeforms, feel emotions very differently from bio-organic lifeforms.
“You got it. Fick, weapon’s up to you. I gotta go help Pomeroy.” Sofia said running towards the door.
“Got it”, replied Rafiq as he finished tightening the wires of the charging conduit to the burst laser and it started to power up again.
Captain Lagardy’s voice came over the intercoms, “Rafiq, fire the Artemis. We’re sitting ducks with our engines offline.”
“I haven’t got the vector calculations yet captain. There’s a high chance of missing”, Rafiq responded.
“Did you listen to what I said? We can’t dodge. If they fire that Pegasus again…”
“Sir, we already accidentally wasted 2 k-ammo with the autofire getting jammed. If I miss this one…”
“Their shields are back online; the laser won’t cut it. Fire the missile alrea…oh shit!”
The Pegasus missile fired its dual warheads again. Rafiq surmised that the mantis ship had an automated weapons reloader to be able to fire again this fast. He swore under his breath.
The 2 warheads were headed straight towards the weapons of The Space-Kite. Rafiq muttered, “Of course. Target the weapons once the ship’s disabled.” But that also meant that the missiles were headed TOWARDS the weapons.
“Rafiq, get out of the weapons bay”, came Bear’s frantic voice over the coms.
Rafiq didn’t reply. He kept staring intently at the screen. This was going to be a manual shot.
“Rafi…”
Pew pew pew, fired the Burst Laser Mk 2 the moment the first warhead pierced through the forward portion of the ship’s shield. The first 2 shots hit the 2 incoming missiles dead on, exploding them both. The missile debris pelted the hull of The Space-Kite, sending shockwaves throughout the entire ship. Lagardy was stunned. So was probably the mantis captain because the 3rd laser shot went and landed on their shields.
“Holy Ardun”, exclaimed Zekko as he saw in the vidscreen what just happened.
Rafiq immediately fired the Artemis. It flew straight and slammed on the hull of the enemy’s shield generator room, dropping the shield’s level back down to 1 once again.
Over in the engines room Sofia and Pomeroy had managed to put out the fire just in time to see the 2 missiles exploding out the windows. Sofia gasped. Pomeroy just said in its usual calm voice, “Probability of interception of both warheads, 0.12%. Event category, extremely rare”, before starting to repair the engines.
“…Holy crap Rafiq! Did you freaking plan that?”, Lagardy finally asked.
“One second captain”, said Rafiq as he shot the hull laser, the first of which hit the enemy ship’s shield, disrupting it and letting the other one go through, hitting the weapons bay. The Pegasus missile launcher was immediately depowered.
“You were saying captain?”
“Damn son, that was insane!” replied the captain, still astonished. “For all my 11 odd years of field duty, I’ve never even heard anyone take down 2 Pegasus missiles with a laser volley. 1 missile? Yes. Two? Never.”
Rafiq smiled at the coms and as the burst laser charged back to full, fired it again. The first laser packet hit the single remaining shield of the mantis scout and temporarily disrupted it. The scout ship frantically fired its thrusters and managed to dodge the second packet, but the last one slammed squarely on their cockpit, sending shockwaves through the scout’s weakened hull and overheating the piloting system until it was completely disabled.
The mantis ship fired their laser volley once again. But with the engine somewhat repaired Lagardy fired the rear thrusters and propelled the ship slightly forwards, missing one of the dual laser packets. The other laser and the heavy laser both hit and disrupted the level 2 shield temporarily. But with no other weapon to strike through this opening in The Space-Kite’s ionic shielding, the scout’s attack was rendered ineffectual. Zekko brought the shields back online very quickly.
The mantis scout redirected the reactor power from the heavy laser to the Pegasus and the missile started charging up again. But the two laser weapons on The Space-Kite charged up first and Rafiq immediately fired them both in an alpha strike.
The mantis, being awful with delicate system repairs, hadn’t yet fixed their cockpit, preferring to fix their shields first. They did manage to get their level 2 shields online just before the hull laser, leading the laser volley, reached their ship. But a damaged piloting control meant that the scout was unable to dodge any attacks and with 5 packets between the burst and the hull laser, the scouting ship was shredded. The 2 hull lasers disrupted the level 2 shields and the 3 burst laser packets struck the weapons cabin, hammering the ship’s hull beyond critical.
The hull of the scout shattered and broke apart with debris flying in all directions. Rafiq exhaled in relief and leaned back in his chair.
“Impressive firing Rafiq”, Zekko said over the coms from the shield room. “You certainly chose him correctly, captain.”
Sofia entered the room clapping. “Way to go Fick. That was the best starting battle for a rookie I’ve ever seen or heard. No doubt about it.”
“How do you like him now Sofia?” Lagardy asked with a chuckle over the intercom.
“Not bad.” Sofia said while walking to the corner of the room and picking up Rafiq’s laser pistol. “Let’s see if he can keep this up on the next ones or is this just beginner’s luck.”
“I’ll be honest, guys.” Rafiq said, “I knew I could make the first laser packet hit the leading warhead when I saw its trajectory. But that hit on the 2nd missile was pure dumb luck.”
Despite the lucky shot, Rafiq was very happy. His first ever battle had gone well beyond his expectations despite taking a laser volley straight on the weapons bay in the beginning.
Sofia walked back to Rafiq and handed him his pistol. “Keep it tightly holstered. Your pistol can’t protect you if it flies off at the slightest tremor.”
“Right. Sorry.” Rafiq took his gun and belted it tightly to the holster on his waist. His aim with personal weapons was subpar but it was one of the golden rules to keep a gun on you at all times on the field.
“And I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you not to let this victory go to your head. No two battles are ever alike and anything can go wrong at any time. So ALWAYS keep your head straight in a fight or it can easily become your last.”
“Yeah I know.” Rafiq knew very well exactly how lucky this battle was and what could’ve happened if that second laser missed. In the worst case, that Pegasus could’ve caused a hull breach in the weapons bay and peppered him with shrapnels. The thought sent a chill down his spine.
“We’re closing in on the wreckage. Sofia, stop scaring the kid and go help Pomeroy prep the shuttle. Let’s see if we can salvage something useful”, Lagardy spoke over the intercom.
“That’s my cue”, Sofia said, heading towards the door.
“Rafiq, good work on the battle but like Sofia said, don’t let either victory or loss get to you.” Lagardy said as Pomeroy entered the weapons bay, nodded towards Rafiq and followed Sofia out.
The Space-Kite was now closer to the debris of the scout. Rafiq looked out the window and he saw an escape pod floating unscathed amidst the wreckage. Then he noticed the lifeless body of one of the mantis crew floating near the pod. Rafiq realized that the poor fellow just fell short of entering the pod and possibly escaping alive.
Rafiq felt a twinge of pain. He knew what was at stake in this war and why they fought but seeing that mantis’ body just floating there, so close to survival, made his stomach turn. More so since he knew he was the one that killed him and that mantis isn’t going to be the last one he kills. He was now a soldier, a killer. He always knew from the start, back when he opted for weapons control in the academy, that it would be his hands that would deliver the killing blow to the enemies of whatever ship he would serve in. And now he was here, a murderer, with blood on his hands and more blood to come.
He shivered and shrank down in his seat as the ramifications of his actions set in. He knew he couldn’t tell any of his crewmates about this. They were all veterans. This was normal day-to-day life for them – kill or be killed. He had had classes on psychology at the academy but as the teachers always said in those classes, you never know just how it feels to kill someone until you actually do it. There were training regimens and exercises for soldiers to calm their minds in the time of war, to focus on why they’re fighting, to justify what would otherwise feel like cold-blooded murder.
Rafiq, realizing that his heart was now racing, slowed his breath. He wiped his forehead clean of sweat as he took long deep breaths and tried to clear his head. He started to hum a tune he heard as a kid to calm his mind. He tried to focus on why he was here, why he was fighting. He reminded himself of the mantis invasion of the human home sector Solcen. He remembered the images he saw on the news as a teenager of the red claw-shaped menacing ships of the mantis heading towards the solar system; images of the intense battle between The Federation and the mantis armies in the outer region of the Oort clouds.
“Rafiq!” Bear’s voice broke Rafiq’s trance and he quickly sat up alert. “Keep a close eye on the sensors and keep the weapons hot. We don’t know if that ship was expecting company and we need to be ready in case they did while we go about salvaging its remains.”
Rafiq closed his eyes and pushed all his thoughts back in the recesses of his mind. This was not the time. He reminded himself of what Captain Bear had said back at Signovia – “the 5 of us is all we got. So we have to take care of each other.” The lives of his crewmates depended on him as his life depended on them.
He sat up straight and replied, “Aye aye, Captain!”
***
While keeping an eye on the sensors, Rafiq had started talking with Lagardy and Zekko which helped calm his mind. He was talking about how he had suspected the scout to have an automated reloader augmentation when Sofia and Pomeroy signalled The Space-Kite that they were returning.
Rafiq kept a close watch on the vidscreen as Sofia and Pomeroy returned from salvaging the remains of the mantis scout, towing the escape pod he saw earlier tied behind the shuttle.
After the shuttle had finished docking, Zekko assisted Sofia in unloading the few k-ammo and drone parts they found amongst the floating debris along with various miscellaneous content like broken door parts, one half of a medbay table, some still-usable sections of the hull, a laser pistol, the twisted frame of the Pegasus launcher – all of which can be traded for supplies at a settlement.
The two of them pushed the escape pod salvaged from the enemy ship in a corner of the cargo bay while Pomeroy carried some broken portions of the hard drive which contained the scout ship’s log to Captain Lagardy on the bridge.
Lagardy said, looking at the pieces of the log drive, “Is that all there was left?”
“Affirmative. Status of 97.40% data, irrecoverably corrupted”, Pomeroy replied.
“What about the other 2.6?”
“Recovered. Data content, price memo for shop on planet Teg’rysen.” Pomeroy said, handing Bear his datapad. “Probability of mantis scout having stopped there for supplies, 98.00%.”
Lagardy looked at the memo. The mantises bought an automated weapons reloader at a shop called Gukiyo’s Trade Post located in a town called Jyoven. “Hey, Rafiq. You were right about the auto-reloader.” He spoke in the intercom.
“Just as I thought. No way a Pegasus can fire that fast. Even with a well trained crew on weapons, it’d take at least 15 seconds”, Rafiq replied.
Sofia asked over the coms from the cargo bay. “So what d’you think Cap Bear? They could have a crew teleporter and maybe Poms can hack into the spaceport authority’s logs…”
“And find out where the scout was coming from or headed to. Yeah, I’m thinking the same.” Lagardy turned towards Pomeroy & asked, “How far is Teg’rysen?”
“Spatial distance, 3.07 parsecs. FTL jumps required, 2”, replied Pomeroy.
“It’s decided then. Next stop, Teg’rysen.”


Footnote:
I don’t remember what the game uses to address an engi in the third person so I’m using ‘it’.
Ardun: One of the many gods of the rocks.
K-ammo: Short for Kinetic Payload Ammunition, the ammo used by missile and bomb launchers.


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8 comments:

  1. I'm cracking up on this line:
    “Sir, we already accidentally wasted 2 ammo with the autofire getting jammed. If I miss this one…”

    I know, technically it's "generic k-ammo" since it works for both bombs and missiles, but at first glance it looks like "whoops, we're this great hulking spaceship and we wasted two bullets!"

    ... "Pew pew pew?" ...
    I have never heard this expression outside of joking and sarcasm. And you managed to pull it off almost seamlessly.

    Combat is pretty good, but it sounds like the ships are mostly just standing still instead of darting around each other (which I assume from the game since shots come from all sides). It's also a little terse -- I'm getting hung up on the sentence "Zekko brought the shields back online very quickly." for some reason.

    Also, it took me a while to realize that Fick was Rafiq's nickname. I thought at the beginning it was your equivalent of "gorram"

    Is "shrapnels" a word? I thought it was "pieces of shrapnel."

    Like the development of Rafiq's conscience -- something sadly missing from even the best stories that involve the military.

    Also like the fact that you have actual scrap material instead of just a number. I don't know why I suspected otherwise -- it just jumped out at me.

    All in all, it's brilliant, just a little rough around the edges.

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    1. I actually visualize the Kestrel as the same size or maybe just a wee bit bigger than Serenity, not a hulking spaceship. I do see your point about ammo though. Do you think I need to better explain that part?

      Breaking traditions, one onomatopoeia at a time XD

      The Space-Kite did get it's engines disabled & Rafiq took out the mantis scout's cockpit near the end. But you're right. I'll try to put some emphasis on movement in the next fight.
      Do you mean terse in a good way or a bad way?

      Bear only called Rafiq Raff the first few times in chapter 1 because he was trying to make the newbie feel welcomed. If you notice, nicknames are kinda Sofia's thing. She's the one who addresses Pomeroy as Poms :P
      I don't think I'll use any special expletives. Already used bitch & it worked out okay.

      I had to look it up after seeing this comment. According to wiktionary it's valid but in French (same meaning). I think I'll stick with this plural.

      I actually wrote that entire bit yesterday after deciding to split chapter 2 in 3 parts. Then while adding some last minute details I realized that I was missing this immensely important part. He would've felt a flat character without that bit & I'm very glad I realized that. Very glad.

      I'm thinking whether I should try to explain the mechanic of upgrading your ship with scrap. Not sure if its needed for the story & I don't want to add something to the story if I don't need to.

      Thank you very much PF6 (this time I checked if it's you ;).
      I hope I'll get better with more practice. If there's any particular thing I need to work on, do let me know :)

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    2. I didn't mean that the ship was actually huge, I just kinda wanted to emphasize the thought that when someone hears the word ammo without knowing the context of FTL, they tend to think of something pocket-sized. (On the other hand, why someone who didn't know about FTL would read a fanfic of it is beyond me.)

      Aaaah, somehow I missed that the engines were disabled.

      I mean terse in a kind of bad way -- this isn't a very good analogy, but it reads a little like a future history book covering the battle. For example, instead of "Zekko brought the shields back online very quickly," you might say "In the shield cabin, Zekko's hands flew across the control console until the ship was once again surrounded by a blue bubble of sheildstuff," except not so spur-of-the-moment-commenter-suggestion and cliched.

      Regarding upgrading the ship, I think it would be best if either it's done off-stage ('While you were gone/sleeping/whatever, I took the liberty of using some of those door parts we scrounged up to reinforce our own doors, in case we get boarded') or in a way that sets up something for the plot ('Oh noes, we got attacked while everyone was working on upgrades, there is nobody to man the weapons/helm')

      I recently looked through an old story (was to be a book in fact) of mine, three hundred pages of facepalm. As such I am currently in a critic-y mood, so I'm sorry if I'm giving unsolicited suggestions.

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    3. "(On the other hand, why someone who didn't know about FTL would read a fanfic of it is beyond me.)"
      That's a valid point but I would prefer if this was generally understandable by a non-FTLer as well. Which is a point rsmalec raised.

      That line about Zekko was thrown in at the last second because I felt he was getting kinda left out in this battle. Which he was since this battle was centred around Rafiq as this is his first combat scenario than Zekko getting the shields recharged faster. I can actually remove that line because I already said in the same paragraph that the shields was disrupted temporarily. Do you think that'd read okay?

      Interesting idea but that's not how this story is planned out. Maybe the next one.

      & check the second paragraph (before the story starts). I do solicit critique. That's the only way I can get better :)

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    4. I feel like I was drawing too much attention to that line in particular. The point I was trying to make was that, outside of the crew discussing Rafiq's skill and the beginning and end of the battle, the battle scene seems a little... mechanical. It feels impersonal. As though we aren't there. I'm not sure how to better explain it.

      Ooh there's going to be a next one? *Happy puppy face*

      OK - I've just known a few people who, when they say "I am open to critique" are fine if you tell them what's wrong, but heaven forbid you suggest what to do instead.

      And if you're interested, here's a critique for you: unless you have had problems with spambots in the past, can you remove captchas for comments? Blogger seems to have captchas that are 99x more unreadable than on other sites.

      (of course, when I call them on it in this comment, suddenly it gives me crystal-clear ones.)

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    5. Hmm. Not sure how I can change that or if I really need to :/

      No plans at all yet but there's an idea. This whole plotline just came to me in a flash while thinking about the federation Mantis War.

      I don't get any captchas when posting these replies so I didn't know they even existed. How can I remove them?

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    6. That's because it never displays captchas when you comment on your own blog.

      Go to settings, then posts and comments, and change word verification to no.

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    7. Done. I also fixed the timezone to my own :P

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